Thursday, May 15, 2008

A shocking confession

I miss housing.

There, I said it.

There are scores of wives that despise - for whatever reason - living in military housing. I understand that some see it as a fishbowl. Sometimes you need a break from the people you work with day in and day out. It makes it hard when your husband's marks depend on following the speed limit and keeping your yard mowed. I get all of that.

I'm on the economy after living in CG housing for the past 3 years. Our little house in housing felt like home. It really did. I made fantastic friends. I found it easy to be the "Welcome Committee", though it's ironic to call it a committee since I was the only volunteer for a long time. I had things in common with the people coming in. We were all family. Sure I didn't know their mom or cousin, but we were all part of the Coast Guard family.

Last night I had a minor meltdown.  Fact is, I'm lonely.  I'm tired.  My husband asked me why I was having such a hard time, and I am laughing this morning at what I told him.  

"I don't miss you.  I mean, I do miss you, but I'm not upset because you aren't here."

I'm sure that's JUST what he was hoping to hear.  It was the truth, though.  I'm just lonely.  I lived the last few years knowing that I had Chrissy next door, or Cirrus around the corner.  If I felt overwhelmed, we could take a walk into town together or meet at the park.  Sometimes they'd just come over - even if my house was a wreck.  

It's tough going to the economy.  I haven't had to pay utilities in a long time.  Here, I have a separate bill for water, sewer, gas, trash, electricity.  There, I didn't have to worry about it.  That adds a whole new stressor to my life.  I'm having to rework the budget to figure out which paycheck to take care of each utility.  I had SUCH a system in CA.  

I've discovered my brave face.  I can check that off my list.  Next comes figuring out what to do for some companionship.  My kids are adorable.  Well, sometimes they are.  Frankly, right now, I'm having to convince myself of this.  I can count on one hand the hours I've had away from them since March 1.  Right now, I am feeling like a waitress, housekeeper, and diaper changer.  I'm not able to take my dance classes, because I don't have a babysitter.  I've been to church a few times, but not enough yet to make friends.    

What I wouldn't give to be able to call a friend to come play today.  I know it'd sure kick my butt in gear to get the house cleaned up, and it'd be a treat to have a hug.


The Syds said...

Not so shocking, since I feel the same way. I miss having you in housing! I watched J and C pull away yesterday in their rental truck with their car on a trailer on the back, on their way to a new adventure; and I just wanted to cry--all my friends are gone, and I am left with a nearly empty cul-de-sac. I so wish I could just run over to your house and visit!

Mike & Chrissy said...

To be honest...I miss housing in CA. I have for the past year. I don't think it's the housing here, just not the same people.
No more blogs that make me teary, okay?

Just a Girl in a Port said...

((hugs)) Love ya'. Hang in there!

Elizabeth said...

Wish we were a little bit closer, geographically! I'd pack up A and come hang out with you ... and not even expect you to clean house first! This crazy life as a CG wife is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be ... but we're stronger for it -- at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Christina Cope Anderson said...

If it weren't for my PCSing, I would use this as an excuse to fly down to you and give you a hug, cook, eat, play, and shop. Hang in there, dear.

Julie & Captain said...

Awww, here's another hug. Here's to making new friends.