Thursday, April 3, 2008

The conversation: What does your husband do?

Stranger:
What does your husband do?

Me (thinking to myself):

Why does it matter, I’m thinking. Rather than give a snarky response, I think today he will be a counselor. Yes, that sounds good.

Me:
He’s a counselor.

Stranger:
My, what an interesting job. What type of counseling?

(thinking to myself):
Um, the type where you help people. Seriously, this person needs to get out more.

Me:
He counsels employees at his place of business.

Stranger:

And, what type of business is that?

(thinking to myself):
Are you kidding me, Miss Nosy Pants?

Me:
He’s in the shipping industry.

Stranger:
Wow! Does he have to leave home?

Me:
Sure, from time to time.

Stranger:
You must be lonely.

(thinking to myself): Nah, my boyfriend comes over, and it’s all good.

(thinking to myself-
some more):
Yes, I pine for him terribly and think that life can’t go on. My life is empty without him.
Yes, but when he’s home, I can’t help but love cooking and
cleaning for him. My job is to serve.

Me:
Not really, we make it work. (Insert standard cliché about heart growing fonder.)

Stranger:
You’re stronger than I am. I’d miss my husband too much.

Me:
You’d be surprised.

Stranger:
What do you mean?

Me:
Well, think about it, when he’s gone, you have all the freedom in the world with the remote, dinner choices, not shaving regularly (unless you don’t already), watching chick flicks, etc. The list goes on and on. It’s like temporarily bachelorette-hood all over again. Oh, and sometimes we get paid extra when he goes away.

Stranger:
(Pensive in thought)
Does this business have any openings? I think my husband might be interested.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok, so this is not one discussion with a stranger, but rather a bunch of conversations combined into one. Seriously, how funny would that be? I have had many of these things asked of me by different people and the comments I would have liked to come back with were quite funny. I *try* to be as polite as I can though. You know for the in-the-dark folks. :)


What are your funny comebacks and conversations with people about this life?

6 comments:

Amber said...

I love when people ask me what my hubby does. Honestly I can't know half of it - that's part of his job. LOL!

Oh, or how about the just because he's in the CG he MUST jump out of helicopters or swim every day. If he doesn't he must be some sort of reject and in the remedial jobs of the CG.

I don't really have any good comebacks. I am pretty sure some of our contributors and readers will have some witty responses!

Just a Girl in a Port said...

You mean your husband's not in the "real Coast Guard"? I get asked that alot too!

Sorry helo and SAR wives, I had to get that dig in (all in good fun).

Mary said...

Up until living in a "Coast Guard City", I would just answer the 'what does your husband do?' question with, "he's active duty in the Coast Guard".

In my current location, there seems to be a sort of competition about what the husbands do, so I often just answer, "I'm not sure, I know he works on the planes - he's somewhere in the middle of the food chain in between the pilot and the stewardess". :)

(No offense to aviation oriented families that live in my same location!)

Lainy said...

Oh man, the crazy remarks we get from people. Everyone assumes that he's on the helicopters, I usually laugh and say something about him needing to be sedated to fly. They look at me like I'm nuts, you get the idea.
I think we should all follow my son's lead; when asked how he was by a very kind clerk at a shoe store he replied very matter of factly, "Oh, I'm okay. My butt really itches, but my mom said I can't scratch it while I'm in here."
The poor girl at the register was rendered completely speechless. 'Spose it would work with the CG question? "Oh, gee thanks for asking about my husband. I can't even begin to tell you what he does, but I sure do know that my butt itches."
(Come on! I dare you to try it! Somebody has got to!)

Just a Girl in a Port said...

I'm game. I'll even give it a good scratch. That'll show how classy I can be too. ;)

Christina Cope Anderson said...

AUDIENCE: "How do you cope with him leaving?"

ME: "I don't have to share the covers and the toilet seat is down. Life is good."

That gets me the laugh I need to sequey into another topic. Seriously I have no desire to talk about how much I miss him. Brave face aside, I really do miss the big lug.