Saturday, April 5, 2008

What are YOU doing here?

I'll tell you, I've been a bit nervous about this first time.  The first time my husband gets underway.  I broke out in hives just thinking about it for days before he left.  The morning he departed, I cried, but was determined to get into a routine and trudge forth.  I resigned myself to the fact that it would be at least a few weeks before he'd be home, and I'd need to be strong for all of us for this to be successful.  I had major doubts that I could do it.  I'm codependent.  We're a team.  I need him.

The boys and I went through our days without any major tragedies.  There was the head-first dive off the couch, and the attack of the fire ants, but we made it through.  I took full advantage of the e-mail that my husband has access to while underway, and filled him in on our daily routine.  Mealtimes were easy, because I only really had to cook for me.  The kids are easy.

Then something happened that threw a wrench in the whole business.  Something I never could have imagined EVER.

He came home early.  Not home for good, but home.  It blew my mind!  I had found my brave face, was proud of myself for not crying every day, and had (so far) conquered my worst fear.  I could do this!  I guess I am meant to be a military wife.  

As we sat eating a family dinner, I looked at this man that I've known and loved for half my life.  What is he doing here?  Don't get me wrong.  I love to take the kids as a family and go eat.  We talk about our day, about the music playing, remind them to chew and only try to fit one bite at a time in their mouths.  We generally, during a family meal, don't have an opportunity to gaze across the table romantically like in days past.  

This time I gazed, though in a different way.  It was really like an alien was sitting across from me.  My husband shouldn't have been here for WEEKS still.  I successfully programmed my brain, I guess, to go ahead and do what I had to do.  To be a married single mom for x amount of time until he was back in port.  To find my brave face, put it on, suck it up and deal.  

I did enjoy the unexpected visit.  It was nice to have a goodnight kiss and snuggle.  It was great to see the kids romping on Daddy.  It was so much FUN to laugh and play and horse around as a family.  This unexpected gift was taken full advantage of, once the shock wore off.

What a strange, strange life we live.  It's no wonder our friends and families don't get it.  


Just a Girl in a Port said...

Ooo! I just got chills. How wonderful that he was home earlier than expected. I can relate and know what you mean about putting on that brave face. I think we all can.

You are independent, you just aren't giving yourself enough credit.


Becca and Jason said...

That reaction (the shock and confusion!) just proves that you'll be fine all by yourself, thank-you-very-much!
Take advantage of the surprises for sure, but take pride in the fact that you were already handling it! YAY!