Each day Coast Guard spouses and their active duty go about their daily routines. Every day someone learns something new, whether it is that the HAP program is not super easy to navigate or that Tricare is a blessing because you never knew how bad you would need decent health insurance.
As for me, recently, I came to the realization that the world is still twirling at a rapid pace despite my standstill moments of panic. Is it too much to ask that in one day I could resolve our current housing situation, figure out our future housing situation, set the kids up for their new school and maintain my sanity? I know it is still early for many to think about PCS stuff, whether or not you have orders, but my situation depends on who is relocating here. :)
I think my years of going gray may be held at bay if I could just find a renter for our home. Military would be ideal. Of course, you cannot market everywhere because you get slammed with discrimination. So, we must tread lightly and not demonstrate discrimination. Argh. We aren't trying to discriminate, honest, but we would prefer someone with guaranteed BAH to back up their lease application. Makes sense right?
As for the rest of life, there is so much else out there to deal with other than housing in a PCS year. If you have kids, you know how tricky it can be to figure out what schools are options for them, can you afford private, is the public school system decent, or should I seriously contemplate homeschooling. Oh, wait, that is contingent upon working.
As of today, despite the man in blue's wishes, my desire is to stay put, and keep my job: status quo.
I'm stressed. There I've said it. We could just GEO, right? Sure, we'll be a million miles apart, but oftentimes, he'll be underway, and we wouldn't see each other anyway. That way we could keep the house, not worry about selling or renting and just fly him home every now and again when he's in port. Okay, sure that could require additional funds for flights and his living expenses, especially if he desires to live off the boat when in port.
Can you see my dilemma? Sure you can, hundreds of thousands of military spouses deal with this very thing every year. The thing is they survive. They trudge on. They gumby up and make do. Blooming where planted and all that jazz. That is because we know we can. I know I can. I just need to shake off the stress, pull myself up and have faith that it will happen. A renter will find us. We will move and all will be right with the world. Until we PCS again.
Showing posts with label Semper Gumby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Semper Gumby. Show all posts
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Separations - Just a Part of the Life
I hear folks time and again complaining about how their loved one has to travel or get underway. On the flip side, I also hear stories of families who are thrilled that the deployments give them a chance to appreciate each other more. Whatever the case may be in your family, it's your right to have an opinion. Be warned though, Coast Guard life is not always easy and as a family member you get to be there for the good, the bad and the sometimes annoying back and forth that comes with military hurry up and wait. If I can say two things, they are:
1) Don't be surprised if your loved one has to get on a ship and/or otherwise deploy. This, my friends, is the United States Coast Guard, an Armed Force that has worldwide presence and impact.
2) Don't feel that you are alone. You are certainly not. There is a widespread, welcoming Coast Guard community family here to support you and commiserate with. Reach out.
Sure, you may have just welcomed a new addition into your family, or you are about to do so. Separations, during, after, before or around such a momentous occasion can be downright frustrating. You may experience a slew of emotions. I know. I have been there and so have countless other Coastie spouses and family members. It is not easy. But, hey, look on the bright side, separations are temporary in the grand scheme of things.
The thing I'm not looking forward to is further deployments as the children get older. In their early days, kids are often oblivious to certain things. As they age, that changes drastically. I have talked about this before. My oldest is already having concerns for upcoming deployments. She cannot even fathom dad being gone for longer stints again-she barely tolerates his schedule now. In turn, this makes him sad. He seems to be feeling as though he's letting her down. I reassured him that this is normal and children will go through this. If it's not a deployment, it will be something else. He is worried though, and I appreciate that. I know that he misses the children terribly when he's away. He misses milestones, the making of friends, birthdays, etc.
On a slightly different note, I asked about overseas tour. I think he thought I wanted to get rid of him. In reality, I don't want him gone for a year at a time. Heck, two-six months at a time is tough enough. Still, you do what you have to do. This is bigger than us. That is what being a Coast Guard family member is all about. We make sacrifices too. All military family members do.
Sometimes I think it is harder for us when they go away (I'm sure I'm contradicting an earlier post by stating this). We have a life to keep living and the day to day activities to tend to, always forging ahead. For them, they have the job-an extremely important one at that! They are focused on that. We are focused on them coming home. They are thinking of the mission at hand. We wonder if it's all that crucial.
It is.
I don't want to be all preachy, but I know I can get that way. Forgive me.
Take this post for what you will. It is more of an out loud conversation with myself to reassure me that I can continue to live this life and that I can continue to support my spouse. Not only can I, but I will. I will because my husband signed on the dotted line and no one had to draft him. He chose this life (as did I when I married him). So many others have too. A lot of folks still take that for granted. They never contemplate what it would be like if no one made the choice. You and I know, the choice would be made for us. So, yes, my husband's job is important and temporary separations are just a small sacrifice that we family members can make to support that choice--to support our country.
The Coast Guard is not a walk in the park. It's not the "easy branch". It's not puddle piracy, or whatever else you may have heard. The Coast Guard is so much larger and means so much more than meets the eye. Those of you already living this life know and appreciate that. Think of that next time the tough days get the best of you or someone complains about a 8 week patrol. If I start complaining, shove this post in my face and give me the reminder too.
1) Don't be surprised if your loved one has to get on a ship and/or otherwise deploy. This, my friends, is the United States Coast Guard, an Armed Force that has worldwide presence and impact.
2) Don't feel that you are alone. You are certainly not. There is a widespread, welcoming Coast Guard community family here to support you and commiserate with. Reach out.
Sure, you may have just welcomed a new addition into your family, or you are about to do so. Separations, during, after, before or around such a momentous occasion can be downright frustrating. You may experience a slew of emotions. I know. I have been there and so have countless other Coastie spouses and family members. It is not easy. But, hey, look on the bright side, separations are temporary in the grand scheme of things.
The thing I'm not looking forward to is further deployments as the children get older. In their early days, kids are often oblivious to certain things. As they age, that changes drastically. I have talked about this before. My oldest is already having concerns for upcoming deployments. She cannot even fathom dad being gone for longer stints again-she barely tolerates his schedule now. In turn, this makes him sad. He seems to be feeling as though he's letting her down. I reassured him that this is normal and children will go through this. If it's not a deployment, it will be something else. He is worried though, and I appreciate that. I know that he misses the children terribly when he's away. He misses milestones, the making of friends, birthdays, etc.
On a slightly different note, I asked about overseas tour. I think he thought I wanted to get rid of him. In reality, I don't want him gone for a year at a time. Heck, two-six months at a time is tough enough. Still, you do what you have to do. This is bigger than us. That is what being a Coast Guard family member is all about. We make sacrifices too. All military family members do.
Sometimes I think it is harder for us when they go away (I'm sure I'm contradicting an earlier post by stating this). We have a life to keep living and the day to day activities to tend to, always forging ahead. For them, they have the job-an extremely important one at that! They are focused on that. We are focused on them coming home. They are thinking of the mission at hand. We wonder if it's all that crucial.
It is.
I don't want to be all preachy, but I know I can get that way. Forgive me.
Take this post for what you will. It is more of an out loud conversation with myself to reassure me that I can continue to live this life and that I can continue to support my spouse. Not only can I, but I will. I will because my husband signed on the dotted line and no one had to draft him. He chose this life (as did I when I married him). So many others have too. A lot of folks still take that for granted. They never contemplate what it would be like if no one made the choice. You and I know, the choice would be made for us. So, yes, my husband's job is important and temporary separations are just a small sacrifice that we family members can make to support that choice--to support our country.
The Coast Guard is not a walk in the park. It's not the "easy branch". It's not puddle piracy, or whatever else you may have heard. The Coast Guard is so much larger and means so much more than meets the eye. Those of you already living this life know and appreciate that. Think of that next time the tough days get the best of you or someone complains about a 8 week patrol. If I start complaining, shove this post in my face and give me the reminder too.
Friday, September 26, 2008
A Reader Shares Thanks - Common perspectives
Recently we received a very nice note from one of our newer blog readers. She “wanted to send a quick note of thanks for [the blog]”. Her message touched on how sometimes it’s difficult to deal with the strain the CG life can put on a relationship. I think we’ve all been there at one point or another. I know that for me personally it was more difficult when I didn’t have a strong support group. And, by support group, I mean a bunch of fellow military wives/girlfriends that I could kvetch with about a sour day or with whom I could share news of a looming advancement. They just got it and got me.
Our reader also discussed how she was never exposed to a military lifestyle before and that “[i]t's definitely an adjustment." She said, "This blog has helped me see the positives in being a Coastie wife/girlfriend and (try to) stay flexible.” Isn’t it nice to know you are not alone? I think we all seek that kind of feeling in our lives.
At times, I feel a bit guilty for being able to cope (most of the time). You see having been in the military I was already forced to accept that you there is always a hurry up and wait situation and how flexibility is not an option but rather more of a requirement. If you aren’t flexible, you just might break. And, really, who wants that? Brittle pieces of you scattered all over the map just is not ideal, and it makes a big mess. Perhaps that is why I hear so much about lubrication. Yes, that must be it! The reference must be in regard to lubrication of joints, ligaments and tendons, to ensure that we are pliable and maintain our elasticity.
So, dear reader, even though you mentioned how “it's not [your] first nature for [you] to be flexible” you did say you were trying and that’s what really matters. We get that. It is not easy. I think there is a saying that goes something like Anything that’s worth doing, isn’t always easy. Isn’t that the truth?
I will share with you something a bit comical. Our reader touched upon how it is “hard to stay positive all the time when plans get cancelled or put off because of a last minute deployment”. It is the nature of the beast, but that doesn’t mean it is always that with which we want to deal. Anyway, my father-in-law was planning on a visit. My husband told him he may be sent on orders somewhere, but that he was basically in a standby to standby position. Exasperated, his father (who is an Army vet mind you) actually asked, “Why can’t they give you an answer? Don’t they realize people have lives? How can anyone make plans?” To this the man in blue replied, “Easy, I make plans and if I have to cancel, I just cancel.” That is it. He was just matter-of-fact about it. I will say that not everyone has this attitude. It has taken us awhile to learn to roll with the punches. We chose this life, and we try to remember that when we get frustrated and irritated with how things can go. After all, we know there is not some guy or gal in an Ivory Tower handing down orders to screw up someone’s weekend or holiday plans. It is not personal. It is simply part of this life. (Of course, that doesn’t mean we eagerly accept everything with a happy face; we are human and sometimes our emotions come through in a not-so-pleasant way.)
Just hang in there. It sounds like you are doing your best to support your loved one and applaud his efforts. We hope you keep coming back and even post some comments. We would love to hear from you. And, if I may add one pun (bad as it may be), remember, we are all in this boat together.
Our reader also discussed how she was never exposed to a military lifestyle before and that “[i]t's definitely an adjustment." She said, "This blog has helped me see the positives in being a Coastie wife/girlfriend and (try to) stay flexible.” Isn’t it nice to know you are not alone? I think we all seek that kind of feeling in our lives.
At times, I feel a bit guilty for being able to cope (most of the time). You see having been in the military I was already forced to accept that you there is always a hurry up and wait situation and how flexibility is not an option but rather more of a requirement. If you aren’t flexible, you just might break. And, really, who wants that? Brittle pieces of you scattered all over the map just is not ideal, and it makes a big mess. Perhaps that is why I hear so much about lubrication. Yes, that must be it! The reference must be in regard to lubrication of joints, ligaments and tendons, to ensure that we are pliable and maintain our elasticity.
So, dear reader, even though you mentioned how “it's not [your] first nature for [you] to be flexible” you did say you were trying and that’s what really matters. We get that. It is not easy. I think there is a saying that goes something like Anything that’s worth doing, isn’t always easy. Isn’t that the truth?
I will share with you something a bit comical. Our reader touched upon how it is “hard to stay positive all the time when plans get cancelled or put off because of a last minute deployment”. It is the nature of the beast, but that doesn’t mean it is always that with which we want to deal. Anyway, my father-in-law was planning on a visit. My husband told him he may be sent on orders somewhere, but that he was basically in a standby to standby position. Exasperated, his father (who is an Army vet mind you) actually asked, “Why can’t they give you an answer? Don’t they realize people have lives? How can anyone make plans?” To this the man in blue replied, “Easy, I make plans and if I have to cancel, I just cancel.” That is it. He was just matter-of-fact about it. I will say that not everyone has this attitude. It has taken us awhile to learn to roll with the punches. We chose this life, and we try to remember that when we get frustrated and irritated with how things can go. After all, we know there is not some guy or gal in an Ivory Tower handing down orders to screw up someone’s weekend or holiday plans. It is not personal. It is simply part of this life. (Of course, that doesn’t mean we eagerly accept everything with a happy face; we are human and sometimes our emotions come through in a not-so-pleasant way.)
Just hang in there. It sounds like you are doing your best to support your loved one and applaud his efforts. We hope you keep coming back and even post some comments. We would love to hear from you. And, if I may add one pun (bad as it may be), remember, we are all in this boat together.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Hoping our Gulf Coast CG Families are Safe: Gustav and Hanna
From the Weather Channel online “Gustav is moving northwest, away from the Cayman Islands, but heavy rains, flash flooding, strong, damaging winds and battering waves will continue to impact the islands this morning. Conditions should improve this afternoon…The forecast track continues to indicate that Gustav will swirl into the southeastern Gulf of Mexico early tomorrow and then track northwestward reaching the central Gulf Coast by early Tuesday. Gustav will slow as it nears the coast.”
The Weather Channel also reported that “Tropical Storm Hanna was centered about 310 miles east of Grand Turk Island as of 5 a.m. EDT. Maximum sustained winds were 50 mph.” Eeek!
According to Rear Adm. Joel Whitehead, 8th District Commander recently stated, “"Hurricane preparedness is a year round effort for the Coast Guard.” We knew that, but what of the families left behind?
I have little, if any, experience with hurricanes. I’ve always been fortunate to live out of an area where they were most prevalent or at least evacuate well beforehand if one was headed my way. At any rate, I have no idea how the Coast Guard or other agencies may aid the CG families left behind in horrendous weather. How much hurricane preparedness is there? Do all units have an Ombudsman or at least a phone tree? What sort of liaison exists between ships and families when a cutter is deployed? Do these folks just wait by the phone for world to come down or do is there always a plan of action?
I know that one of our contributors has been offline since yesterday. I’m assuming that she is currently evacuating her home, maybe just laying low and being watchful. She’s not in Louisiana, but I did find this on the web about the National Guard helping to prepare for evacuation in Louisiana: Evacuation in Louisiana. In part, the article reads, “The door-to-door campaign comes less than 24 hours after Gov. Haley Barbour ordered mandatory evacuations today for some residents in Hancock and Harrison counties. Forced to leave will be those living in FEMA trailers, Katrina cottages and residents in designated flood zones.”
In light of all this weather, I figured I’d bump on the post Amber shared with us recently:
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Are you prepared?
To say the least, disaster doesn't always give warning. Whether you are in California or Texas, Florida or Maine, there are times when nature takes us by surprise. Earthquakes, winter storms, flash floods, tornadoes, hurricanes...the list goes on and on.
My family lives in Texas, and now that I'm back on the Gulf Coast, it's (past) time to think about Hurricane Season. It's in full swing, and two systems have hit the Texas coast all ready. If you live in an area that could be impacted by a hurricane, you MUST have a disaster kit ready. It's so hard when you're dashing in Target or Costco praying that there's a bottle or two of water left, or maybe, hopefully, the batteries or bulbs you need for your flashlight.
Here is a comprehensive list from FEMA's website:
· Three-day supply of non-perishable food.
· Three-day supply of water - one gallon of water per person, per day.
· Portable, battery-powered radio or television and extra batteries.
· Flashlight and extra batteries.
· First aid kit and manual.
· Sanitation and hygiene items (moist towelettes and toilet paper).
· Matches and waterproof container.
· Whistle.
· Extra clothing.
· Kitchen accessories and cooking utensils, including a can opener.
· Photocopies of credit and identification cards.
· Cash and coins.
· Special needs items, such as prescription medications, eye glasses, contact
lens solutions, and hearing aid batteries.
· Items for infants, such as formula, diapers, bottles, and pacifiers.
· Other items to meet your unique family needs.
If you live in a cold climate, you must think about warmth. It is possible that you will not have heat. Think about your clothing and bedding supplies. Be sure to include one complete change of clothing and shoes per person, including:
· Jacket or coat.
· Long pants.
· Long sleeve shirt.
· Sturdy shoes.
· Hat, mittens, and scarf.
· Sleeping bag or warm blanket (per person).
Just as important as putting your supplies together is maintaining them so they are safe to use when needed. Here are some tips to keep your supplies ready and in good condition:
· Keep canned foods in a dry place where the temperature is cool.
· Store boxed food in tightly closed plastic or metal containers to protect from pests and to extend its shelf life.
· Throw out any canned good that becomes swollen, dented, or corroded.
· Use foods before they go bad, and replace them with fresh supplies.
· Place new items at the back of the storage area and older ones in the front.
· Change stored food and water supplies every six months. Be sure to write the date you store it on all containers.
· Re-think your needs every year and update your kit as your family needs change.
· Keep items in airtight plastic bags and put your entire disaster supplies kit in one or two easy-to-carry containers, such as an unused trashcan, camping backpack, or duffel bag.
The Weather Channel also reported that “Tropical Storm Hanna was centered about 310 miles east of Grand Turk Island as of 5 a.m. EDT. Maximum sustained winds were 50 mph.” Eeek!
According to Rear Adm. Joel Whitehead, 8th District Commander recently stated, “"Hurricane preparedness is a year round effort for the Coast Guard.” We knew that, but what of the families left behind?
I have little, if any, experience with hurricanes. I’ve always been fortunate to live out of an area where they were most prevalent or at least evacuate well beforehand if one was headed my way. At any rate, I have no idea how the Coast Guard or other agencies may aid the CG families left behind in horrendous weather. How much hurricane preparedness is there? Do all units have an Ombudsman or at least a phone tree? What sort of liaison exists between ships and families when a cutter is deployed? Do these folks just wait by the phone for world to come down or do is there always a plan of action?
I know that one of our contributors has been offline since yesterday. I’m assuming that she is currently evacuating her home, maybe just laying low and being watchful. She’s not in Louisiana, but I did find this on the web about the National Guard helping to prepare for evacuation in Louisiana: Evacuation in Louisiana. In part, the article reads, “The door-to-door campaign comes less than 24 hours after Gov. Haley Barbour ordered mandatory evacuations today for some residents in Hancock and Harrison counties. Forced to leave will be those living in FEMA trailers, Katrina cottages and residents in designated flood zones.”
In light of all this weather, I figured I’d bump on the post Amber shared with us recently:
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Are you prepared?
To say the least, disaster doesn't always give warning. Whether you are in California or Texas, Florida or Maine, there are times when nature takes us by surprise. Earthquakes, winter storms, flash floods, tornadoes, hurricanes...the list goes on and on.
My family lives in Texas, and now that I'm back on the Gulf Coast, it's (past) time to think about Hurricane Season. It's in full swing, and two systems have hit the Texas coast all ready. If you live in an area that could be impacted by a hurricane, you MUST have a disaster kit ready. It's so hard when you're dashing in Target or Costco praying that there's a bottle or two of water left, or maybe, hopefully, the batteries or bulbs you need for your flashlight.
Here is a comprehensive list from FEMA's website:
· Three-day supply of non-perishable food.
· Three-day supply of water - one gallon of water per person, per day.
· Portable, battery-powered radio or television and extra batteries.
· Flashlight and extra batteries.
· First aid kit and manual.
· Sanitation and hygiene items (moist towelettes and toilet paper).
· Matches and waterproof container.
· Whistle.
· Extra clothing.
· Kitchen accessories and cooking utensils, including a can opener.
· Photocopies of credit and identification cards.
· Cash and coins.
· Special needs items, such as prescription medications, eye glasses, contact
lens solutions, and hearing aid batteries.
· Items for infants, such as formula, diapers, bottles, and pacifiers.
· Other items to meet your unique family needs.
If you live in a cold climate, you must think about warmth. It is possible that you will not have heat. Think about your clothing and bedding supplies. Be sure to include one complete change of clothing and shoes per person, including:
· Jacket or coat.
· Long pants.
· Long sleeve shirt.
· Sturdy shoes.
· Hat, mittens, and scarf.
· Sleeping bag or warm blanket (per person).
Just as important as putting your supplies together is maintaining them so they are safe to use when needed. Here are some tips to keep your supplies ready and in good condition:
· Keep canned foods in a dry place where the temperature is cool.
· Store boxed food in tightly closed plastic or metal containers to protect from pests and to extend its shelf life.
· Throw out any canned good that becomes swollen, dented, or corroded.
· Use foods before they go bad, and replace them with fresh supplies.
· Place new items at the back of the storage area and older ones in the front.
· Change stored food and water supplies every six months. Be sure to write the date you store it on all containers.
· Re-think your needs every year and update your kit as your family needs change.
· Keep items in airtight plastic bags and put your entire disaster supplies kit in one or two easy-to-carry containers, such as an unused trashcan, camping backpack, or duffel bag.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Hey, mister aren't you married?
My husband is gone—again. No big deal, right? Remember, I'm green and bendy.
Well, this morning, I wake up from our luxurious bed having enjoyed it with the ability to stretch out for most of the night. Of course, that was before small children made their way in during the wee hours of the morning, but that’s another blog post.
Opening the blinds to let the sunlight in and then walking around the bed, I glance at something quickly. Almost walking by it, I suddenly stop in my tracks. Is that what I think it is? Oh yes, it was his wedding ring. He actually went away on a trip and left his ring at home. That *#$%@!&*&% !
This morning went like this:
He sent me a text message hours before I was awake:
Him: Good morning.
Me (hours later): hi love u hey, don’t judge my texting ;)~
Him: Luv u 2
Me: Really?
Him: Yes. Why would you say that?
Me: (picture message of his wedding band on the table)
Him: Yeah, I know
Me: Don’t worry you’ll make it up to me
Me (again): Don’t even say u r not worried
So, ladies, what do you think? How should he repay me?
*Please, don’t anyone get their panties in a wad.. We often go without our rings. I’m not that psycho wife who demands he wear it all the time—no matter what you may have heard about me. I’m not really upset, it’s just in fun. Of course, if my beloved husband is reading this, it's not in fun, you are in big trouble mister. ;)
Well, this morning, I wake up from our luxurious bed having enjoyed it with the ability to stretch out for most of the night. Of course, that was before small children made their way in during the wee hours of the morning, but that’s another blog post.
Opening the blinds to let the sunlight in and then walking around the bed, I glance at something quickly. Almost walking by it, I suddenly stop in my tracks. Is that what I think it is? Oh yes, it was his wedding ring. He actually went away on a trip and left his ring at home. That *#$%@!&*&% !
This morning went like this:
He sent me a text message hours before I was awake:
Him: Good morning.
Me (hours later): hi love u hey, don’t judge my texting ;)~
Him: Luv u 2
Me: Really?
Him: Yes. Why would you say that?
Me: (picture message of his wedding band on the table)
Him: Yeah, I know
Me: Don’t worry you’ll make it up to me
Me (again): Don’t even say u r not worried
So, ladies, what do you think? How should he repay me?
*Please, don’t anyone get their panties in a wad.. We often go without our rings. I’m not that psycho wife who demands he wear it all the time—no matter what you may have heard about me. I’m not really upset, it’s just in fun. Of course, if my beloved husband is reading this, it's not in fun, you are in big trouble mister. ;)
Monday, June 2, 2008
Look: I'm Green and Bendy.
Bet you didn't know I could perform contortionist feats.
I usually tout the important of being flexible, but lately, I'm a little anti-gumby. We are on extension number 3 for something. "Grrrr" and "ugh" are some of my favorite words as of late. In fact, I think my children don't actually believe me that daddy is ever coming home because the date keeps changing. Yes, I know, bad, bad mom. I don't normally ever clue them in to a return date. That way, they don't get disappointed. Still, what was supposed to be a very short trip has turned into something else. Even the man in blue himself was surprised.
I apologize for the short post. I'm off to throw on my Super Coastie Wife cape and distract my brain and the children for the day. Wish me luck and please channel some energy that the tides will turn and things will fall into place.
Really, there's no reason he HAS to be home soon. I just miss him right now. Plain and simple.
Hey, at least I look good in green. ;)
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