Supporting everyone on the homefront.

So, we here at Waiting for Ships are obviously proud of our men in blue. That doesn't mean we aren't quite proud of our women in blue as well. While we don't have a resident CG husband, we do support our brethren. We do recognize that not all Coast Guard spouses are women. In fact, a number of us have friends who are 'dependent' spouses of the male persuasion.

Okay, let me stop right there. We do have a contributing writer here who is part of a active duty duo. How she and her husband make it all work, amazes me. That being said, he probably would have some interesting insight on being married to a Coast Guards(wo)man. How the heck would one even write that? Am I just chauvinistic here? You'll have to excuse me, because I'd just as soon call everyone "Coast Guardsmen", regardless of gender, but I digress.

One of my husband's good friends and a friend of mine as well is a retired fellow. He now plays the role of spouse, if you will; supporting his diligently working active duty wife. In fact, we just had the pleasure of visiting them, and I continuously ribbed the guy about donning an apron and attending spouse luncheons. Truly though, that's not how it goes, but you knew that didn't you?

Just like us wives, the husbands live their lives. They support there loved ones in blue and maintain their own identity. Male or female, husband or wife, active duty or not, it all comes down to loving the one you are with and respecting their choices, careers, talents, dreams, and so on.

To all you guys out there who wonder where the blog or website is about you, it's right here. We may be a bunch of crazy, silly, witty (I hope) women, but we have the same concerns and plights as you. We deal with the issues about how to tame the yard while chasing a toddler and your spouse is underway. We battle over the t.v. remote when our spouse is in port. We even argue about which one of us is a better BBQ expert.

Yes, even we stylish and bon-bon eating, high-heel wearing girly-girls ;) can PCS cross-country solo; burp the alphabet at a beer-drinking contest at the All Hand's Club (come on I can name a few); conquer WOW; and even change a flat tire (as long as we don't mussy up the manicure). You see, it's not about being a girl or a guy, it's about being a Coast Guard spouse. We adapt and mature as the ebbs and flows of this life bring us through both tough and smooth waters.

More to come on that, and if anyone wants to pipe in on what you want to read about pertaining to male spouses, let us hear it. We want everyone to feel welcome here.

The ship is in.

And, soon my man in blue flies to it. So, soon I will be awaiting his plane to come in some time around next....ah, you thought I was going to divulge that information.

Last night we had the perfect date night. Nothing says happily wedded bliss like a gift card for a fine dinner and a trusted babysitter to watch over the young ones. Our dinner was an early one. Think senior citizen early. The restaurant was posh beyond my wildest expectations--very 1930's swanky. The menu prices did shock me, but again, we had the gift certificate, which is so very appreciated. After all, when you are making an effort to feed and clothe a family of five a night out is to dinner and a movie is often a luxury we do not afford ourselves. Over the past year though, we have been making more of an attempt to do so, to reconnect and have more us time away from the family setting at home. Heck, we do not really want to see ourselves as empty-nesters trying to remember what we liked about each other in the first place. So, preventative maintenance in the way of continuing to court each other, if you will, and canoodling as much as possible, is what we do. But, I digress.

So, dinner was divine. We laughed. I drank wine. It was superb. It was Shiraz by Peter Lehmann. Mmmmm. Filet Mignon was my entree, though it was not as perfect as I would have dreamed up, the atmosphere and my husband's company made the dinner more than I could have hoped for. Oh, and to top it off, I convinced him to share a decadent molten chocolate cake for dessert. To make things better, this was far from the end of our evening. We were able to do a little shopping (for the children of course) and to catch a movie. Truthfully, this one night makes his upcoming trip tolerable. We had such a blast.

Upon returning home, we vegged on the couch, and somehow one of the little ones managed to end up in my arms for a bit. Still, we just enjoyed being together, in our home. I talk a good game about actually enjoying the deployments and that the separation is good for us, but deep down, I do miss the man in blue. After all, home would not really be much of a home without him. He drives me batty, as I do him. We have our spats and we certainly do not love to do everything to other does, but we love each other. Sometimes it takes a deployment or some sort of trip to put all of that in perspective.

For the past 3+ years, we have had the luxury of being able to take each other for granted. Sure, he has traveled here and there, but technically he is at a land unit. We know the likelihood of him going back to a cutter is imminent. We are realistic. At one point, we thought he was going to be in a position to never have to get underway again. Not surprisingly, that change did not take place, but as things tend to change in this military life, it turned out to be alright. The possibilities we are now looking at for the future of my husband's career are promising. We are excited and anxious and just thrilled to be sharing this time together.

Now, I just have to go out and pick up a bottle of that lovely Shiraz to enjoy upon our reunion when his plane comes in. Or, if things get really wacky (as Murphy's Law often requires), I can start enjoying it before he gets home.

Welcome to the Coast Guard Family Flo!

If you haven't heard the exciting news, let me share with you that our very own resident-Coastie-girlfriend, Flo, is now a Coastie wife-to-be. Congratulations to her and her beau!

Flo, I know I speak for so many of us, including all the contributing writers here at Waiting for Ships to Come In, when I say that I wish you all the happiness in the world. You have been around the CG long enough to know it is going to be quite a ride. Enjoy every minute of it!


Be sure to check out Flo's personal blog (hope she doesn't chastise me for linking this): Flo! for the amazing news and pictures.

Best wishes Flo!

A good marriage is one which allows for change and

growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.
Pearl Buck

Separations - Just a Part of the Life

I hear folks time and again complaining about how their loved one has to travel or get underway. On the flip side, I also hear stories of families who are thrilled that the deployments give them a chance to appreciate each other more. Whatever the case may be in your family, it's your right to have an opinion. Be warned though, Coast Guard life is not always easy and as a family member you get to be there for the good, the bad and the sometimes annoying back and forth that comes with military hurry up and wait. If I can say two things, they are:

1) Don't be surprised if your loved one has to get on a ship and/or otherwise deploy. This, my friends, is the United States Coast Guard, an Armed Force that has worldwide presence and impact.

2) Don't feel that you are alone. You are certainly not. There is a widespread, welcoming Coast Guard community family here to support you and commiserate with. Reach out.

Sure, you may have just welcomed a new addition into your family, or you are about to do so. Separations, during, after, before or around such a momentous occasion can be downright frustrating. You may experience a slew of emotions. I know. I have been there and so have countless other Coastie spouses and family members. It is not easy. But, hey, look on the bright side, separations are temporary in the grand scheme of things.

The thing I'm not looking forward to is further deployments as the children get older. In their early days, kids are often oblivious to certain things. As they age, that changes drastically. I have talked about this before. My oldest is already having concerns for upcoming deployments. She cannot even fathom dad being gone for longer stints again-she barely tolerates his schedule now. In turn, this makes him sad. He seems to be feeling as though he's letting her down. I reassured him that this is normal and children will go through this. If it's not a deployment, it will be something else. He is worried though, and I appreciate that. I know that he misses the children terribly when he's away. He misses milestones, the making of friends, birthdays, etc.

On a slightly different note, I asked about overseas tour. I think he thought I wanted to get rid of him. In reality, I don't want him gone for a year at a time. Heck, two-six months at a time is tough enough. Still, you do what you have to do. This is bigger than us. That is what being a Coast Guard family member is all about. We make sacrifices too. All military family members do.

Sometimes I think it is harder for us when they go away (I'm sure I'm contradicting an earlier post by stating this). We have a life to keep living and the day to day activities to tend to, always forging ahead. For them, they have the job-an extremely important one at that! They are focused on that. We are focused on them coming home. They are thinking of the mission at hand. We wonder if it's all that crucial.

It is.

I don't want to be all preachy, but I know I can get that way. Forgive me.

Take this post for what you will. It is more of an out loud conversation with myself to reassure me that I can continue to live this life and that I can continue to support my spouse. Not only can I, but I will. I will because my husband signed on the dotted line and no one had to draft him. He chose this life (as did I when I married him). So many others have too. A lot of folks still take that for granted. They never contemplate what it would be like if no one made the choice. You and I know, the choice would be made for us. So, yes, my husband's job is important and temporary separations are just a small sacrifice that we family members can make to support that choice--to support our country.

The Coast Guard is not a walk in the park. It's not the "easy branch". It's not puddle piracy, or whatever else you may have heard. The Coast Guard is so much larger and means so much more than meets the eye. Those of you already living this life know and appreciate that. Think of that next time the tough days get the best of you or someone complains about a 8 week patrol. If I start complaining, shove this post in my face and give me the reminder too.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy day to all of our mom readers out there!

I remember my first mother's day. It was also the upon day upon which my first anniversary fell, ironically. My husband woke up that morning to leave for a C school states away. Of course, I was disappointed. In fact, I was downright angry. I knew the rules of the game, even early on in our marriage that he would have to leave now and again. It wasn't new to us or to me. Still, alone is not how I wanted to spend this very special day. Perhaps it was a little bit of postpartum hormones getting the best of me too.

The man in blue was bummed about our anniversary, but at the time categorized Mother's Day as just a Hallmark holiday, man-speak for I didn't get you anything, and I don't plan to. Seriously, he thought this. So, I spent the morning begging him to stay (even though I know he couldn't) and probably crying a lot. Out the door he went, and my newborn baby and I hopped in the car and drove to my mom's. I was lucky enough to live within a few hours of her, so that helped to ease the loneliness that came with my husband leaving on this particular day.

At any rate, fast forward to this morning. My man in blue is home this year. yippee! The family has grown and I know have three eager children bestowing me with cards and homemade gifts. My husband even gave me the most beautiful claddagh ring with an emerald set in it that he got from a port call in Colombia about 5 years ago. It's beautiful. Needless to say, my man has come around, and loves to surprise me, Hallmark holiday or not.

So, today we are home enjoying each other because we know that next year may bring a different scenario. He could be home, he could be away, only time will tell. Whatever the case may be, I think I've grown a bit and the water works may not be as bad if he were to be gone again. Still, I suppose we each deserve to succumb to the sadness a little bit on occasions like these. We just don't have to let it consume us.

To all of you mother's out there, I hope you have a special day whatever you may be doing and whomever you may be spending it with!

Let's Settle a Wedding Attire Debate- What's right about the whites?

One of our lovely readers sent me a message today!

The question is all about a uniform on a wedding day. I wanted to share with you all since we all have different opinions and it might be helpful to our reader.

Reader said: My daughter who is marrying a Coastie in August 2010. The groom will be an O-3 with 2-3 groomsmen being fellow officers. He wants to wear dress whites, but this is interfering with the dress selections my daughter is focusing on (they are shades of white and just don't look good with the CG whites). Would dress blues be appropriate here? Is there an appropriate uniform selection here? What about the groomsmen? The ceremony is early afternoon and the reception is 6-10pm. My daughter and her fiance attended the All Academy Ball in Chicago in December 2007 and we thought that he looked pretty good in a formal blue uniform.

Dear Reader:

First, let me say congratulations to your daughter and your family. What a momentous occasion to be celebrating. I remember fondly the planning stages of my own wedding. Of course, I remember the bickering, petty squabbles and silliness too.

Second, let me state that a wedding is really about the union of two people. Really, in the grand scheme of things, that is the most important thing. You already knew that though. Of course, it's hard not to get caught up in the little things when you are planning perhaps the biggest day of your daughters life.

Surely right now people are screaming at me through their computer screens. It's all about the dress! or It's her wedding, let her decide!

I say, it's the groom's day too! Let him wear his whites. Dress blues in the summertime, yikes! Unless they are getting married inside in Air Conditioning or in the Antarctic, I REALLY emphasize the whites. The bride and groom will look beautiful.

I say forget the blue and stick with the whites. The bride and groom don't have to be matchy-matchy. No one will be gossiping about what did or did not clash. If they do, ignore them and tell them to get over it.

Good luck to the happy couple in whatever attire they decide. I am sure my fellow bloggers will pipe in soon with their thoughts on the matter as well. So be sure to read the comments here.

Thanks for reading!

Thank you USCG

Thank you for being a fairly family-friendly service. Thank you for giving me my husband when I need him. I know that doesn't always happen, and I've had my share of gripes when you took precedence over some things in my life, but lately, well lately you rock.

That's right folks. I said it. I'm grateful, like so many of you, for what the Coast Guard allows and provides for my family. A lot of you have given thanks lately, so I wanted to chime in too.

I started a new job a couple of months ago. As such I am on your typical probationary period. So, they tend to frown upon you asking for things, like days off, times to leave early etc. Still, with children, sometimes a mother has no choice. Things come up. Children get sick, schools close for a day, and what have you. I have been very fortunate though. While it could be due the man in blue's current position, I must still say I'm so thankful. He has been able to take off for illnesses, doctor's appointments and closed school days. Had he not been able to, I might have lost my job by now. Heck, with three kids, a lot can happen even in just a week's time.

So, I'm rambling. I know. What I am getting at is that I'm just a really happy gal right now. I can only hope this continues for awhile so I can continue to see the CG in a brilliantly positive light. ;)

The underground super secret network of spouses.

Outside of the base, live Coast Guard members and their families. Some are integrated into the local military community and others choose not to be for a variety of reasons. We used to be those people. Well, in a way, we still are. My husband, the man in blue, (for whom I still need a catchy nickname) is adamant about keeping our family life and the military separate. That was really easy when he was on land. It was also really easy when I had my own crazy workaholic hours at a job in the private sector. It was also extremely easy when we had no children.

Then one day, I became a mother and I started to work from home. Soon the working from home dwindled down and my days ached to be filled with something. I longed for involvement in something other than diaper duty and grocery shopping. So, I started talking to *gasp* other Coast Guard wives. I would meet them on the pier when the ship pulled in or I would connect with them through some other underground super secret network that would send my husband into a tizzy. Yes, my friends, he detested the wives groups. In fact, he refused to tell people he was married for fear that the wives network would swoop in like vultures and snatch me into their secret society. Okay, so that is not at all true, but if you met the man in blue back then, you would totally appreciate what I am talking about. Fast forward to today. I am a little more than involved. I am integrated. I have a vested interested in the sometimes seemingly unpopular spouse sect. I pledge my allegiance to the sisterhood affirming that I am not a slovenly gossipmonger or mindless follower. Honest. Enough about what I am not, let me tell you what I am.

I have a passion for all things military. I become engrossed with military history, tradition and legacy. I am the person in the grocery store parking lot who sees a USCG or DOD decal on a car and hope I will run into the owner. Don’t ask me why. On second thought, go ahead. The reason is, as I have said before, we are so far out of the military area. So, such cars and decals are far and few between. Alright, so I might be considered a decal stalker. Seriously, I am only a little fanatical. I love my husband. Obviously, I would love him no matter what his profession, but I love that he chose to join the service and despite his original intentions of getting out, he reenlisted and reenlisted, and, well you get the point. I like military brats. They each have their own unique travel story to tell. Olive Oyl’s kids, as some of our other families here, are a great example of this as they have been all over the map. What kid really gets to experience such different cultures, climates and touristy destinations all before age 18? Not too many in this day and age. That is the beauty of the military; we are nomadic, well most of us anyway. That to me is enthralling and keeps me eager for each new PCS season. With each new place comes new faces. New experiences abound and new chances.

The other day, our family journeyed to a nearby town (way out in the sticks) where another Coast Guard family lived. They are even further out then us and have little if anything to do with the husband’s shipmates, the base and/or other families. The wife, who was a boatload of fun and someone I’d really like to hang out with more, asked me about my involvement in the “life” around here. I chuckled and told her I was bit embarrassed to share. Upon telling her the things I did and people I knew, she laughed and said her husband might lose his mind if that were her. Overhearing our conversation, my husband urged, no, begged me not to try and recruit her into the network. I assured him AND her husband that I was just answering her questions. Sheesh. You would think I got a commission or something and they were the regulatory board making sure I did not solicit off limit spouses.

Anyway, the wife mentioned how she had gotten to know a bunch of military spouses (from all branches) at a previous unit. She did not like the fact that rank was an issue for many. Can you blame her? Nonetheless, I hear this time and again from spouses and members. This is just pure silliness.

So that I don’t go on and on in a rant about how spouses have no rank, I will leave you with this: If you are a spouse who has been burned by other groups, fear not. We are not all nuts. I am, but just a wee little bit. Give your new area a chance. Get to know some new faces. All spouse groups, families and members are not the same. And, for the husbands who are on their knees pleading with their wives to ‘stay out of it’, please know it’s not all about you and getting in your business. Honestly, we just like hanging out and commiserating with like-minded folk.

Stealth Smackdowns Give Illusion of Perfection

Amber and I were joking last week that since we don’t often write anything negative about our husbands perhaps we should have one day a week where we blog about their misgivings. Alright, so maybe that won’t happen, but it sure would be great blog fodder, wouldn’t it? Of course, if I know my husband, and I do, he’d be soon setting up his own blog to happily report on my lack of perfection. And, since I am almost perfect, I’d like to keep up the charade a little longer. ;)

At any rate, I find that people often wonder why my spouse, and I don’t fight that much. Well, gentlefolk, we do. (You can pick your jaw up off the floor now). In fact, we can argue ‘til the sun comes up. The thing is we choose to be mature about it (most of the time). I try to make sure stay out of earshot of the kids when having an *clearing throat* heated debate because I don’t want them to feel bad for daddy because I always win. Oh, and I don’t think it’s anybody else’s business, so I keep most of it to myself. Think about it, if we have a big ‘ole smackdown in the presence of friends or family, the company present is either going to feel forced to choose sides or will just be embarrassed by our behavior. So, why not just avoid all that drama. I’d hate to see my husband lose all his friends and family support to me. It’s bound to happen.

Honestly though, all couples bicker. If you don’t, go get yourself a trophy and shout from the rooftops because you are one in a million. I’ve seen those couples who don’t argue and they are the couples who often split up. Alright, so not all split and most just end up with some deep-seated issues. At least that’s my humble assessment. Come on, that can’t be healthy. It’s got to come out sooner or later—better in the dining room before a makeup romp than in the courtroom before a final judgment dividing someone’s retirement. :)

I promise I can be serious. Bear with me.

I know that the there is a time and place for certain things. We have some friends who are quite a pair. Recently, I witnessed them in a group setting hashing it out. Apparently, this is commonplace with them. Okay, so that’s their thing. They are the party-fighters. Me, I’d rather bottle it all up for the ride home and let him really have it. ;) Damn, there goes my stoicism again.

Point, point, where the heck is my point?

With each year of marriage and accrued service year, I’ve learned politics and diplomacy. Maybe our way of addressing points of contention has to do with this military life. Perhaps it has to do with keeping up a certain image :) . Whatever the reason, I think that I’m most fascinated with people who think my spouse and I have a perfect relationship. *chuckles* I think if that were the case I would be one bored lady.